Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in sunkissedpinai's LiveJournal:

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Monday, August 23rd, 2004
1:03 pm	oh god... so saturday we found a pretty good way to get me to stop thinking bout matt..i went over to jays house n the drinks were non stop, oh god i was so loaded..darryl and i made dinner together for jay, neddy, him and i. we made tortilleni with alfredo sauce and garlic bread with cheese mmm its was so filling hehe..well even tho we cheated..so after dinner darryl made me watch texas chainsaw masacure, yes i am chicken shit matt couldnt get me to watch it before but im so gaulable when drunk..after the movie we hung out drank sum more then headed to the bars..it was so much fun. i missed darryl a lot, i love him, im so happy when he's around. him and jay are the same hehe yah id say its a perfect match! hehe the next morning was awful tho we had to go to my cousins baptism in sauga so we had to leave by 12..my mom came in my room at 930 yelling at me to do errands before we left, i felt so shitty i thought i was going to die! (Comment on this)
Saturday, August 21st, 2004
11:48 am	so gone..so done..so lost so im clearly having a hard time trying to get over matt..i know he says we'll still be friends and such but i think its harder for me to keep talking to me and keep having theese feelings for him when he doesnt feel for me back...i try hard to occupy myself with other things to keep him off my mind but its just not working, everything seems to remind me of him..i decided to block n delete him, not call, or answer calls..that only worked for about a week..i need him. exams are next week, been trying to study, i am missing lotta notes for advanced ophthalmic optics tho..the girl i was suppose to get them from hasnt gotten back to me, the only other gurl in my class i have a number for says she cant find them but shes going to get back to me..if she doesnt im fucked.. one of my closest cousins from the philippines are coming here next week so im pretty excited bout that. shes going to be living with us, sharing a room with me, i dont know if im too excited bout that part tho haha. i dont mind it its just that i have to cut all my stuff in half to make room for her stuff n i have lots of it haha. it wont be that bad tho cause im movin back to barrie soon n most of my clothes n such will come with me. 'i cant keep on living this way, i need you here with me,i woulda given you anything juss to make you happy juss to hear you say that u love me one last time' (Comment on this)
Monday, July 19th, 2004
6:22 pm	back home so i got home a few days ago. yeah i stayed in the philippines for like 3 n a bit months...if it wasnt for school i would probably have stayed longer i for sure wanted to. i made a lot of new friends and became closer then ever with my cousins. i was loving it. it sucks being home cause im not use to being so alone i feel so empty and depressed now that im not there. worst of all i dont think things are working out with me and matt. he kinda gave me the 'just friends' speech the other nite. *ouch* during my whole vacation i thought about matt and stopped myself from dating anyone because i thought we had an understanding...guess not..i hate it cause matt is such a nice guy hes soo nice he says regardless if we aren't together we'll be friends it makes me mad cause i cant really hate him i think itd be easier if he was an ass cause deep down i dont hate him at all i love him! boo hoo ok moms yelling at me be back later! (Comment on this)
Saturday, March 27th, 2004
1:54 pm	a week today yeah one week today im going to be on an airplane going to the philippines! omg im so excited but im so sad at the same time. my goal of the weekend was to finish all my alcohol i had. yeah mission accomplished in one day haha on thursday we went to the roxx and i drank soo much it was crazy. i had a great time tho. ive never actually been to the bar with my boyfriend or someone i was dating. it was different but fun :o) yesterday was such a write off. me n matt woke up round 1030 made breakfast n went back to bed till like one then layed round n he read to me aww hehe hes so sweet after he left i took another nap haha i was so lazy. andrew came over for a bit in the evening i got my dvd back woo. tonite im going to the movies with matt n then gonna get something to eat. apparently we're going on a double date with his friend dave and his girlfriend. matt wants to take pictures so he's bringing his camera aww hehe i think jersey girls going to be a good movie. cant wait. jayas gone im sad i miss her hehe. she left yesterday n didnt even say bye. well i guess we were sleeping but still :o( i need to get my sis a present it's her birthday tomorrow. i wanted to get her honey bu my brother did that so now im all outta ideas... Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Monday, March 22nd, 2004
4:29 pm	mixed feelings ok so todays monday, yeah im not going to see matt tonite anymore because hes going to be busy with his marketing assignment...i know i should be understanding which i am trying really hard to do but it makes me so like uhhh annoyed?? i dunno im sad cause now i wont see him until thursday..it makes me crazy that im leaving because im sad, happy, excited, upset all at the same time my stumach gets upset when i think about it. i dont want to go because i know when i come back next sept. things wont be the same, jaya wont be living with me which is going to be real sad, im going to miss matt soo much, i dont want him to meet someone new when im gone and i know it sounds selfish but i cant help it. i love the way matt makes me feel, i love the way he kisses me, i love the way he holds my hand, i love the way he talks to me, i love the way he makes me smile, i love the way he makes me laugh, i love the way he hugs me....ahhhh ok going insane. on the other hand im excited to go. i cant wait to see all my cousins all my aunts and uncles. i cant wait till my moms wedding shes so beautiful and she deserves this more than anyone in the world. i know at times i hate my parents but my mom is the best. i cant wait to get tanned hehe i cant wait to go to the beach and have fun i cant wait to go to the resorts there and go shopping like everyday, i cant wait to get my hair and nails done. i kinda even wanna see daniel and see how hes doing, i hear he has a wife maybe even a kid or 2? hehe yeah i talked to judd last nite, he felt so comforting but at the same time it made me so mad at myself. i cant handle this. i really dont know what to do. greg taylor--away on paternity leave ahh fucking hell i need to talk to him i cant have another substitute its just not the same greg already knows about me he already knows how it is for me...ill have to deal with not going to talk to anyone thats ok.. 'so now i come to you with open arms nothing to hide, believe what i said so here i am with open arms hoping you'll see what your love means to me' (Comment on this)
Sunday, March 14th, 2004
4:11 pm	let me be the one so i yeah i didnt end up going home at all this weekend. i feel terrible cause its darryls birthday today, he said its alright n not to worry bout it n we'll make it up, but i still feel bad. other then having to miss my best friends bday, my weekend was good. last night i went out with matt, we went to play glow in the dark mini putt n then to dinner after we came back here n watched a movie with jo n scott. i cant remember what its called tho. i cant believe how understanding n caring matt is. he never pushes me to do something i dont want, he never asks for stuff, hes so not greedy, its all about me being happy. how sweet is that? he jokes around sometimes about little things he may want me to do but he can sense when im uncomfortable and doesnt make me do anything i dont want. when im with him he says i have a constant smile on my face...hehe gee i wonder why? im leaving in like 2 weeks which really sucks, but ill be back in a while n matt tries to reassure me he'll still be here when i get back...i want things to progress but ill have to wait till i get back i guess.. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 9th, 2004
10:43 am	*sighs* so yeah i dont feel like being in class but hey what else is new? haha judd msgs me and asks if i sent him his package...um NO why would i send someone a package if their not even talking to me?? doesnt make sense. im going home this weekend cause its darryls birthday on sunday and i have to start moving my shit back home. i kinda dont wanna go cause i want to spend as much time here as i can. matt is suppose to go to the movies with his friends tonite, has school till 10pm tomorrow n then thurs ill be gone :o(. he said we'd work sumthing out n that maybe if he doesnt go to the movies tonite we'll spend time together. maybe ill wait n go home on friday, if i can get someone to pick me up. (Comment on this)
Friday, March 5th, 2004
3:09 pm	Happy Birthday JoJo I haven't been on this site in the longest time. I'm not sure if there's anyone still trying to read on mine h ehe ahhh well. Looks like ive missed quite a few journals that include me hehe. Today is JoJos bday. The big 2 0 haha wow mines coming up pretty quick as well. Apparently im gonna get new blinds from Matt haha what a joker. Next weekend will be Darryl's birthday we're gonna see his show then party it up. For the most part i've been pretty happy lately. I just cant stop smiling and according to my roommates im glowing :oP awww how sweet is that? It kinda sucks how i have to leave in less then a month but at least now i wont be so sad when i have to leave the philippines, im gonna still have sumthing to look forward to. I dont think ive met anyone before in my life or someone that i have dated previously that makes me feel as good as i do now. Ahhh I better go bake that cake for Jo before she gets home! Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: mario martis? ft. p.diddy-I dont wanna know (Comment on this)
Sunday, February 15th, 2004
1:08 pm	drink up yeah yeah it was valentines day yesterday...no biggie so i drank n drank n drank sum more hehe we went to the queens n shredded a pic of our ex's to get free cover woo hoo haha umm andrew met up with us there n left early. actually we left pretty early ourselves. i met up with this other matt guy that ive danced with their a couple times before. im suprised he remembered me.. hehe yay new friends today its time to study for my midterm on weds. yeah worth fucking 50% of my mark. how awful is that?? i have 2 test both worth 50% man im gonna die! (Comment on this)
Monday, February 9th, 2004
10:10 am	catchin up so yeah back in barrie, missed my 8o'clock class cause bell cut my phone today. therefore i didnt get a wake up call..but thats ok more time to sleep yay! haha friday was fun, didnt end up going to the pepper, we standed in line for a bit which is sumthing i DONT normally do n we got fed up n left went to acess it was good it felt like old times i used to have with darryl. im pretty happy he ended up coming out with us cause i didnt expect him to. he called my cell at 10 saying he was gonna go to stellas with a few ppl n wanted to see if id come but i had other plans. then knowing how much i more i mean to him hehe he decides to drop out of stellas n be with me YAY!! i love him. so ummm yah after acess my friends want to go to a keg party darryl decides to find his lover haha we split up. but at like 2am somehow we manage ending up in the same car again. i was so tired by the end of the nite i didnt care how late i was getting home. dropping darryl off was a pain in the ass cause he opens my door n tells me to get out. im like fuck off im tired bye! haha so he pulls me out to have this long goodbye ill miss u i love u session..geez if ppl saw us theyd think he was my bf or sumthing --not cool hehe i got home at like 3 n for sum reason my parents havent realized it yet. good i dont need them hassling me. saturday was my babys bday. nicos getting soo big! hes so cute i took him to go potty n then hes like i want to show u my fishies. hehe he got his first pet from one of my auunts friends. he named the goldfish neil n buddy. hes soo adorable. sunday was fucking retarded cause i had to spend 4hours taking the bus to barrie. i cant spend that long sitting anymore i dont know how ill last in the airplane going to the philippines ahhhhhhhhhh hehe well there was my weekend for you :o) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, February 6th, 2004
9:34 pm	home sweet home blahhhh so its friday, yeah i never write here...i came home weds night which i was very much looking forward to considering i havent been home for like a month. of course it only has been 2 days n im already kinda getting fed up. im once again in high demand...arrived at like 10pm on weds next i have to bring my sister to the dentist, take her to pick up her glasses, make dinner, and clean the kitchen. today i had to pick up my cuz from school drive him to my aunts n then come home vaccuum the house, make dinner, clean kitchen. wow bet they missed me eh? guess its not that bad considering my dads not being an ass bout me going out. last nite i went to the mall n then to the bubble tea house. tonite im at iwona's waiting for her slow ass to get ready so we can go to the pepper... just for the record, chris my ex is not on the top of my list. there are other things i should focus on other than my love life. only have 2months left of school to finish 6 classes. i know judd wanted to make valentines day this year real special for me. but since im a dumb bitch...that wont be happening. meh oh well. he still wants me to do sumthing for him. which i will cause hes great...even tho i dont deserve him being nice to me.. k my friends like to take their time maria is still not here n its like 9:45. meh i decided no curfew for me tonite hahahahahahaha i think its time my parents get used to it. come on i dont live her for the most part and i am independant i dont need a curfew im responsible. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 31st, 2004
11:57 am	good morning--or afternoon? hehe yeah so apparently i slept for almost 10hours last night..its 12:10pm n ive been up for less then half an hour, so not me...so much for our plan bout waking up at 10 n making pancakes for breakfast. im going home in 4days. yay!! i havent been home for over a month, havent spoken to my dad at all. i didnt even say bye when i was coming back to barrie. shows just how close our relationship is eh? Current Mood: awake Current Music: lisa loeb (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 28th, 2004
2:03 pm	You have a dominant kiss- you take charge and make sure your partner can feel it! Done artfully, it can be very satisfactory if he/she is into you playing the dominant role MEORW! What kind of kiss are you? brought to you by Quizilla (Comment on this)
1:21 pm	time for a change why is it at first i like it when ppl come back into my life but then it just ends up making me feel even more empty then before. i think i need to learn how to not let ppl that have hurt me in the past back into my life. i have to stop relying on other sources to make me feel whole. (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 17th, 2004
3:52 pm	to good to be true so i got a package yesterday, bet u a million bucks u wouldnt guess what was in it. it was from judd. he sent me a bottle of vodka and his most valued posession, his teddy seal. how sweet is that? no i didnt mean the vodka part. i dont know why judds so nice to me i love him with all my heart but i dont get it one bit. i honestly dont believe i deserve being with him. i know many of u are going to argue with me but your wrong im right. im not worth it, not even a little bit. i want to give him back his teddy seal cause hes sad here he wants to go home. he got here n started to cry cause he knows im totally not worth it. sometimes they say if you love somebody you should let them go. i dont want to tho because its to good. judd is always willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy. my happiness is on his priority list, i wish it wasnt. i dont deserve him or anything he does or tries to do to keep me happy. even tho i love it when he tries i thnk i have to find true happiness on my own. (Comment on this)
Friday, January 16th, 2004
9:24 am	reoccurance lately ive been a bit upset..im not feeling like myself anymore. i start to cry all the time not knowing what to do. sometimes i wish i was already gone. to bad i didnt just get to go to the philippines and take this sem off. change sucks sometimes i guess for me most of the time. i want to feel whole again,i want to be happy, i want to stop thinking so much, i want to be loved. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 13th, 2004
4:14 pm	one more day so all my roommates hate me for only having 3 days of class. oh well not my fault hehe. u gotta love it when someone gets mad at u cause u supposedly went back on your word. when clearly i didnt. but whatever ppl can think whatever they like about me..i hate it when ppl pester you for something n wont give it up even tho they know how u feel about it. i think its time to start taking my pills. maybe i will feel like myself again. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, January 12th, 2004
2:07 pm	below average im so disappointed in myself right now. i just finished my lab n i fuckin messed up majorly. yeah hi what kind of second year student mistakes the cyl lines for sphere lines??? yeah thatd be me the retard i am. like what the fuck was i thinking n i didnt even realize it until i got marked...i was so sure i had done everything right but yeah of course not i fucked up once again. i dont even no why ive dragged it out this long. i still have another hour of that lab but yeah no point. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 9th, 2004
2:24 pm	ang kyoote so another full day without having to go to school yay! haha i have to find a job or else im going to have way too much time on my hands. heres a lil sumthing: for the fellaz: it's not about opening doors or offering the first drink. not about money, NEVER about money. it's about ten fingers locked together, sometimes twenty. its about drinking from the same coke from the same straw. its about lil notes left in her purse. it's about butterflies you get in your stomach everytime you see her, think of her, dream of her. it's about embraces. it's about kisses. it's about pain. it's about heartache. it's about laughter. it's about tears. it's about love making. it's about sacrifices. it's about you and her. for the ladiez: it's not about what car he drives. it's not about how hot your friends think he is. it's about how you feel when you look at him. it's not about money, NEVER about money. it's about understanding that you'll never fully understand him simply because he's male and your not. it's not about posession. it's about freedom. it's about letting him go out with his friends without u having to be there. it's about kisses. it's about pain. it's about tears. it's about laughter. it's about love making. it's about sacrifices. it's about you and him. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, January 8th, 2004
4:52 pm	free, single, sexy n sweet its nice to have freedom here yes i already mentioned it but im loving it. single---umm thats not exactly correct. and as for sexy n sweet ill always stay that way! haha im sucha geek eh? here i am waitin for my gurrl to get home so we can find me a job. me n jaya were gonna go at 5 n juss cab it or whatever but jojo wants to get out of here so shes driving. good stuff saves me $20. so yeah just last nite i was complaining how i feel like im getting big n i gotta work out n cut down but what am i eating? oreos yep thats right. but hey i didnt buy them hehe i should stop complaining tho i hate girls like that. uh ohhh jo juss came outta her room from changing n yeah she loves trying to be me n we're both wearing dark jeans n a pink 3/4lenght shrits hahaha i gotta change. (Comment on this)